Merry Christmas... the timeline is back

"Basically, you just gotta do whatever you want and not care what the hell anyone thinks”
~ John Johnston (mumbling in an extremely hung-over state from a luxury hotel room in Seoul, Korea)

Friday, 9:03 p.m. – Sitting on the KTX train headed for Seoul. Well those guys should be calling my cell any minute. The flight probably got in late.

10:00 p.m. – Mont told me they were getting in on the 19th. Hope he realizes it’s a day ahead here.

11:30 p.m. – I have a bad feeling… something is clearly not right… still no call.

11:50 p.m. – Arrive at Seoul Station. A shady taxi driver approaches me. Offers to take me to my destination (a standard $8 cab ride at most) for… $20! “Dude, you're crazy… I’m finding a meter cab.”

12:15 a.m. – I’ve walked a few blocks, can’t hail a cab. They pull over… see that I’m white and take off. It’s getting cold out here. No call yet. Where the hell are those guys? This sucks!

12:20 a.m. – It’s now raining. Nice.

12:30 a.m. to 1:30 a.m. – Find a westerner named Chris. He’s amazingly kind. Attempts to help me get a taxi. No luck. He says he’s never experienced this. Contacts his Korean girlfriend… she tries to call a cab for me. Again, no luck. Hundreds of cabs are passing us… none will stop. Tell Chris thanks and to take off before he misses his bus. Look for the sketchy cabie I first encountered at the station… he’s long gone. Still no word from Mont, Kevin or John. It’s pretty damn cold now.

1:50 a.m. - Wow, that’s by far the longest line for a bus I’ve ever seen. Must be at least a hundred plus deep. No cab, no call.

2:00 a.m. – Ask a few guys in line where the bus is headed. They chuckle and inform me that this isn’t the bus line. All these people are waiting for a… taxi! My heart drops. I consider crying for a few seconds, but decide against it. It’s now officially fucking freezing!!!

2:20 a.m. – Cross the street and wander away from the line. See a taxi stopped… run up to him… he begins to drive away, so I grab hold of his window… he seems a little shocked and puts on the breaks. “Wait, Wait!” I scream. “Hongdea… 20,000 won ($20),” I tell him, my face beyond pissed. I hear his doors unlock. I jump in. Thank God!

2:25 a.m. to 6:30 a.m. – Have no clue where those guys are. Fuming mad that I went to all that trouble and still had to pay $20. Decide these cab drivers all have terrible karma. Meet up with Amanda and some of her Korean friends. We enter a bar and order a bottle of Jack for the table. I have no food in my stomach… this isn’t a good idea. One of the Korean guys passes out in the bathroom… he’s carried out. Four of us hit a Noribong (a Karaoke room). I’m really drunk… I can tell because my lips are moving and I’m somehow singing a Paula Abdul song. I take a cab to Iteawon. Pay $6 to sleep on a lazy boy in a jinjibong (a Korean style spa complete with public baths and “hot rooms” where people sleep on mats… it’s a weird country, I know).

10:30 a.m. - Wake up to the sound of a vacuum. Not happy. Check my phone… no missed calls. Oh man.

11:30 a.m. to 7:30 p.m. – Visit a PC room… have two emails from Kevin. Apparently John made the flight, which left 12 hours prior and Mont and Kevin did not (they were on stand-by using a buddy pass). They hope to meet us in Japan in a few days. In the subway on my way to meet Amanda for breakfast/lunch/dinner. I’m going on about 4 hours of sleep. I’m moving about in a haze. Huh? This girl staring back at me sure looks an awful lot like my friend Bree from the TEFL course in Prague. We both linger for a bit longer. Shit!!! It is Bree!! Whhaaaaatttt! She’s in Seoul for a meeting and is on her way back to the island of Jeju. We snap a pic and talk for a sec. A city of 12 million people… what are the chances? John calls. He made it.

8:30 p.m. to 11:30 p.m. – We decide to stay in a $200 a night hotel room….the place is sick…high quality… plus we get a free, badass breakfast out of the deal… so long as we get up by 10. Amanda and I take John out to eat traditional Korean food. I make him drink two bottles of soju (a cheap Korean liquor that packs a serious punch) with me. Head into a college town to party… John and I are beginning to feel the soju… we grab another bottle. “This is my kind of country,” John announces, with his trademark grin. Here we go.

12:00 a.m. to 2:30 a.m. – John asks Amanda how to say the word “angel” in Korean… she makes the mistake of telling him. He is now referring to soju as “crack juice.” He’s almost there!! We talk about how good breakfast will be tomorrow (I’m going omelet all the way). Oh shit… John just did his “whew” yell. Now I know it’s on for sure. Johnston hammered in Seoul… this should be interesting.

3:00 a.m. – We’re inside a tent eating street food… three Korean girls are to our left. John smiles, shouts out the Korean word for angel. I’m laughing incredibly hard. One of the Korean girls next to us takes offense to this for some reason. “Okay, Okay… fuck you U.S.A.,” she quips. We laugh harder… she repeats herself… we laugh even harder. She’s getting really pissed.

3:15 a.m. to 4:40 a.m. – We enter a different bar. Amanda is not drunk… John is in rare form… I’m loving it, can’t stop cracking up… she’s becoming increasingly annoyed, as are most Koreans around us. We grab a taxi. “Hey, we have to wake up in time for that breakfast, okay… we’ll need it,” I say. He nods his head… tells our taxi driver that Korea is awesome, calls him an angel face in Korean… passes out.

11:55 a.m. – Wake up… look at the clock… look at John. “Dude… we missed breakfast.”

P.I.F.F. weekend

That's decent work using sand. Me stuffing my face in a market in Nampo-Dong. Late night(early morning really) antics with Stu and Sarah.  

Pusan International Film Festival

Last weekend was the Pusan Internation Film Festival. Bree and Stu (from Scotland) and some other people came up from Jeju island for the event. Busan was packed with people from all over, along with various Asian celebrities. Here are some shots from a crazy weekend (very little sleep was involved). The highlight was watching a Japanese film at the Yacht club on the bay with the skyscrapers in the backdrop. Oh and it was 72 degrees out. Pretty sweet.

Random

Here are some pics of a few of my students, a view from a hike I did, a temple I visited and Kim, Bree and me eating Korean.

The boy... the sea.. and me

Our heads are submerged in the grey saltwater. SWOOSH! We’re up from a wave again, gasping for more air. My legs are feverishly kicking, my right arm following in tow. His right arm is clinging to my left shoulder, tears are pouring down his face. He’s absolutely terrified, but knows he’s safe now… I’m certain he can feel my left arm locked tightly around his waist. He’s not going anywhere. He’s not going to die…

It begins simple enough on this Monday afternoon as I arrive at the beach. It’s been a brutal past 36 hours with little or no sleep and way too many “deep” conversations with both Jim Tressel and Marvin Lewis, so this is much needed, my relaxing on the beach, that is.

The swell is decent today and about 15 surfers have conjugated in one area where the sets are rolling in three at a time. The only people I see in the water are some foreigners (white people) playing in the shallow whitecaps and of course the surfers. There are solid four and five footers (yes, those are rough waves) out there, but I’m physically and emotionally drained and came here to read and nap, so I decide I’m not going to surf at all or get in even. I simply want to chill.

I’m reading my book when I notice some sort of commotion to my right. A group of Koreans have gathered and are looking out to the sea. I take a peak. Don’t see anything. I hear sporadic yells from a few women, but everyone is just standing there, so I assume it’s a dolphin – because clearly if SOME KID WAS STUCK OUT IN THE WATER AND ABOUT TO FUCKING DROWN TO DEATH they wouldn’t just be standing around – and continue with my book.

A few minutes pass by. I’m drowsy, so I put the book down and turn over on my back. Immediately, I spot a younger Korean man coming my way. He moves at a brisk pace.

“Englisssss?” he tries to ask.

I nod. He points to the ocean; he’s extremely nervous and a tad embarrassed. I nod again, thinking he wants me to look at a freaking dolphin. He eagerly motions for me to rise. He’s searching for the right word, I can tell.

“Baby… baby!” he says at last, again pointing to the water, this time with more vigor.

“Baby?” I reply, my mind beginning to process what’s happening. “Like a little kid… out there?”

This time, he nods.

I scan the beach. Other foreigners are sitting, talking, relaxing. Some Koreans are casually standing, watching something in the sea… doing nothing. I see a little boy down by the water’s edge, running, screaming and waving his arms. Three foreigners (one guy and two girls) are next to the boy and looking out to the ocean also.

I don’t react right away cause I’m deeply confused, still not sure if this is real. I move closer to the water, squinting. Then I see it. There’s someone way the hell out there, beyond the break, arms flailing. I’m in the shallow water now with white foam splashing up everywhere. I shoot a look to the Caucasian guy, who’s with the two girls, implying, “What the fuck?”

I’m diving into the surf; whitewater is crashing around me. I come up for air… here comes a monster… shit, it’s already breaking. I grab a quick breath and thrust my body into the powerful wave; it’s force smashing down on my back. I make it through. Can see a little Korean boy battling to stay afloat. His chin is just above sea level. He’s crying out for help, for God, for anything. I can no longer hear the waves breaking, I can only hear his tears… it’s beyond creepy.

Our eyes connect. He cries louder, as if he can’t believe I’m really coming for him.

“It’s okay… It’s okay!” I yell with the sea splattering in my face.

I swim as hard as I ever have, as fast as I possibly can. I finally reach him.

“Here, grab my hand,” I utter, completely out of breath. “It’s okay man, I got you. It’s okay.”

He’s maybe 9 or 10, but he’s a bigger boy and as he hops on my back we both go under. That’s obviously not going to work. I reposition him to my side. We head for shore. I feel the surf setting behind us. This is bad.

“Hey, you have to help me, okay. Paddle with your other arm. Hurry! Hurry! As fast as you can.”

I see the white guy from beach swimming out to us and scream at him to grab the kid before the swell crushes us. I hear it beginning to break… quickly shove the boy to the other dude, turn and yet again, throw myself into the body of another wave.

When I make it back to the shoreline the white guy who helped at the end apologizes to me. Explains that he didn’t know what was going on and that he’s not much of a swimmer or else he’d have been out there sooner.

The Korean man who pulled me off the beach runs up to me and grabs my hand, thanking me profusely. A few other Koreans come over, dip their heads, smile and give me the thumbs up.

I return to my towel and collapse on top of it. My heart races and my mind spins, processing the events that have led up to this point. I should be pleased, should feel this ultimate sense of fulfillment, yet, it’s pure anger that consumes me. I can’t begin to fathom what the hell the Koreans were thinking. Why didn’t anyone do anything sooner… where was his family … and, my God, what would’ve happened to that boy if…

I stop myself. My rage is still there, but I control it because I catch a glimpse of the boy. He’s sitting with his family about 30 yards away, looking straight ahead. His eyes are shooting blanks, his mouth silent. He stretches his arms out and leans back against the sand. Stays there for a sec, contemplating, then sits upright with the same empty stare. I make my way over to check on him.

“An-nyeong-ha-sae-yo (hello),” I call out.

He turns his head, surprised that I’m speaking Korean.

“You okay?” I ask, patting him on the back.

“Yes,” he says softly, his face emotionless, still visibly in shock.

“Alright, uhh… just wanted to… just wanted to check on you,” I say and walk back.

As the rest of the afternoon unfolds, every so often I glance over in his direction. I look over at one point to find him building a sandcastle with his friend. He’s smiling, laughing… living. And so I’m struck at once with this overwhelming realization of exactly how close he came to death. It cripples me for a moment and my eyes swell a little. It’s such an odd thing, saving a life. I have a sneaking suspicion I’ll never be quite the same.

Thirty minutes later I leave the beach. I’m done, literally. Need some food. Need to regroup. As I go to cross the street, there he is, with his friend, right in front of me. His eyes widen and a broad a smile illuminates his chubby face. He’s no longer in shock.

“Ahh, thank you,” he says, bowing and firmly shaking my hand with both of his. “Thank you very much!”

“No problem buddy,” I say. “But hey, for today… no… no swim… okay.”

He grins and bows his head, disappearing in the crowd.

Ready... Set... Go….

Arrive in Busan. Su picks me up. Lots of neon, lots of people. Apartment is awesome. Wake, explore a bit, nap, meet my students… fall asleep in orientation. At the supermarket, meet a Canadian named Kevin… he offers a quick tour. I take it. Still very jet-legged. With Kevin and some people on our roof, it’s 8:30, they’re ready to hit the bars and insist I party with them. I shake my head and say “goodnight.” They respond by calling me a “pussy.” I readily agree and reply that “I’m sorry, but my eyes literally are shutting by the minute.”

Have a reoccurring nightmare that I slept through OSU’s first game. Awake abruptly with sweat dripping down my face. Decide I have a problem.

Snap some photos, see some sights, eat Pizza Hut (not sure why). Ride in a jam-packed elevator… I’m the tallest person by at least 2 inches… this is a first. Begin teaching class. Have a moment of clarity and decide Monty was quite possibly the cutest Asian kid ever.

Sitting on the floor of a Korean style restaurant in an older part of town with my friend Sarah, her boyfriend and a couple from Australia. The food is decent. Suddenly, I spot a cockroach en route to our table. It’s rather gross, so I make a disgusted face and leap to my feet. A Korean man next to us smashes the bug with his bare hand. Dude’s real!

After eating more food and having some rice-wine (which we drink out of bowls while sitting on the floor) at a bar across the street, we’re now on a side street in one of like a hundred tents that have full bars inside. Only in Asia!

At the beach… crazy crowded… but crazy beautiful. Meet a surfer named Ryan… tells me the best places to surf (or in my case, to learn to surf). Back from the beach. Kevin and I meet up with some people at a bar down the street. The sound of shattered glass catches our attention. A catfight has broken out between two Korean girls. They seem very pissed. We notice a reasonable amount of fresh blood on the stairwell as we’re leaving.

Back to the beach with three friends (all girls… and I didn’t plan it that way, I swear). Eat solid – or should I say “tasty” – Mexican food in a back alley of the beach. Walking on the sand, a young Korean dude with an ear-piece and a clipboard stops me, says they filming a movie and that I’m in the… “Oh, yeah, cool man,” I interrupt. “You want me to be in the movie. Okay, I’ll do it, just tell me where you need me.” Strangely, he laughs and shakes his head (I honestly wasn’t expecting a sense of humor).

Chill in the water, chill on the beach, run into Ryan again, head back. Twelve of us go out for Italian. It’s like 6 bucks for a massive bowl of pasta with shrimp and cream sauce. This place is the shit. Life is extremely good.

The beach...

Here's some fishing for ya Mike, along with some random shots of the beach, the boardwalk and the surrounding cliffs.

First weekend photos

My view from the apartment. The building where I work. I thought they ate dog here, didn't know they like to decorate them. Daily life on the outskirts of my area.

Prague to Budapest to Slovenia to Italy…

Prague - Pass the course. Celebrate at a club. Four thirty in the morning and sitting next to two gay guys on a couch with Tanya (hot Indian girl from the states we met a few weeks prior) and Andrew. Both men hit on me – one tries to rub my head and neck, the other rests his head on my shoulder then asks me if I want to go out to the street for sex. Tanya smiles at this, gabs my face and kisses me twice. Gay guy is heartbroken. Who knew having a few homosexuals proposition you could yield such phenomenal results? Cook dinner for Katie’s B-Day. Say goodbye to everyone. Amanda, Carlene and I take a night train to Hungary.

Budapest – Check into hostel. Explore my family’s motherland… eat goulash on the river. Andrew arrives a day later. The four of us go to a famous restaurant for dinner. Remove hat. Eat rack of lamb. Hit the thermal spa. Relax. Decide to get massage for a measly 12 bucks. Lady tells me to “take-off shorts.” I’m naked, in the middle of Eastern Europe and some random lady is rubbing my bare ass… interesting. Say bye to Andrew, we hop on a train to Ljubljana.

Slovenia – Arrive at two in the morning. Hail a cab. The driver keeps the meter running and acts like he’s lost… then finds our stop. Rips us off. We hate him. Check into hostel. Travel by train to Divaca. Slovenia is packed with unbelievable mountains, lakes and rivers. It’s by far the most beautiful place I’ve yet to see. We’re inside a remote cave, which is inside a gigantic mountain. I’m in the cave, standing on a cliff looking 500 ft down at a river filled with crazy rapids swiftly flowing through the 5-million-year old piece of nature. Can’t believe this is really happening. It’s the COOLEST MOMENT OF MY LIFE! I’m still in the cave and now walking across a tiny bridge in order to get to the other side. It’s the FUCKING SCAREIST MOMENT OF MY LIFE!!!! Travel to Lake Bled. Again… is this real? The scenery appears too picturesque to be true. Head to Lake Bojim. Decide it’s best to hitchhike (yes Mom, hitchhike) up the mountain rather then walking three miles. Nobody picks us up. I hold out money. Nobody picks us up. A little over an hour later, we have arrived. Unfortunately, we still have a 20-minute hike up 500 stairs. Finally we reach the top. We’re thousands of feet high, in the hidden treasure of Europe, looking at a gushing waterfall… I have a good life. Back to Ljubljana. Hug Amanda and Carlene goodbye. Catch the 2:20 a.m. train to Venice.

Italy – Ask Laurel (a Canadian girl I met a few hours earlier) to wake me up when we get to Venice. Wake up in Venice. Tell Laurel to have safe 27-hour ferry to Greece. Board my water bus (boat). Drop bags off at hostel. Enter a café… run into another Canadian, J.P. and a Texan, Craig ( first met them in Slovenia when they stole the last two beds from us at a hostel and I ran into them again at the train station last night). Craig was here for a 6 days two weeks ago, so he shows me the city. In the middle of the square, hear someone yell my name. It’s Laurel… she’s with two friends. They can’t find the ferry. We all take pics together. Eat pizza from 3 different places. Rise early to get on the train to Florence. Eat more pizza in Florence. Wait an hour in the rain to view the Michelangelo’s “David.” It was worth it. Chill with a couple guys at the hostel, plan my way back to Prague… head out to drink wine.

With Andrew in Budapest at heros square. Amanda, Carlene and me in the Postojna cave. Waterfall at Lake Bojim. Crazy-beautiful view of Lake Bled. A canal in Venice.

Guys' Night Out

Friday, March 28th, 8:00 p.m. – Make my way down the “hill from hell.” Run into Amanda at the bottom. So taking into consideration that the last time she walked the hill alone she had the dreadful misfortune of coming across a man masturbating in the open, I decide to walk her back up. “Hey, I hear it’s ‘guys’ night out’ tonight,” she says mockingly, just as we reach the top. Ha, you bet your ass it is.

8:10 p.m. - I meet Andrew outside the metro. We’re on our way to try and retrieve his coat from the club he drunkenly left it at last weekend.

8:13p.m. – Waiting for the metro. “Oh, shit,” I chuckle. “What,” he says. “Dude, that hot Czech girl and her group of friends totally busted me checking them out… and then they started cracking up. I really am a dumb-ass.”

8:15 p.m. – The metro arrives. In our cart, every seat is empty, so we sit. Damn it, the “hot Czech girl” and her click come aboard. Not good. “Hot Czech girl” spots me, begins to laugh. This is going to be really AKWARD!!! She quickly moves toward me and plops down literally an inch away, giggling. I about shit myself.

8:20 p.m. – She’s still laughing with her friends. I’m looking straight at the floor, trying to think of something cool to say in Czech. Nothing. I think it’d be freaking hilarious if I pulled the ever-unoriginal yawn move on “hot Czech girl.” Run the thought by Andrew. He thinks it’s a terrible idea, thinks she might hit me or something, cause she’s European. Huh, I wasn’t aware European women were especially prone to violence.

8:26 p.m. – The past six minutes consisted primarily of me blushing profusely, “hot Czech girl” laughing, me racking my brain, “hot Czech girl” laughing, me wishing I’d purchased a Czech phrase book, “hot Czech girl” laughing, me shaking my head out of frustration, “hot Czech girl” laughing, me wanting to grow a pair of balls, “hot Czech girl” leaving. Of course, she laughed as she did so. Bye. You’re hot. Sorry I’m a looser. My friends back in the states are going to kill me when they hear about this.

8:50 p.m. – Andrew enters the club with no coat.

8:51 p.m. – Andrew exits the club with no coat.

11:00p.m. – Matt, Andrew, Ray and I are walking through the city. A black guy stops us. Asks if we want any drugs or any girls. We decline. Another black guy appears, same question. “Maybe later,” Andrew responds. A third black man approaches us, then a fourth and a fifth, sixth, seventh… There are like 100 black dudes in this whole damn city and every single one I meet sells drugs and pimps out women. Way to guard against the stereotype.

11:30 p.m. – 2:45 a.m. The four of us find a pretty sick bar. It’s underground, has a couple different levels and all the walls are made of ancient stone. The “talent” (stole that from Bryan) is decent. Next stop is a knock off of Coyote Ugly with scantily clad bartenders dancing on the bar, taking shots and blowing fire. Leave the bar. Matt, Ray and Andrew are officially intoxicated. Meet a group of Australians. They’re cool. Ten more black guys offer us women and drugs. We’re walking down a street, a long car pulls up, the windows roll down. In the front, two sketchy girls, in the back, two more with one guy in the middle. They smile. We return the favor. The back door swings open. They tell us to get in, they’re gonna show us a good time. No thanks. We take off.

3:05 a.m. – Somehow we’ve ended up inside a strip club/whore house. Immediately, four half-naked girls are on our laps. Hell, who are these women kidding, I lived Florida, I own Mons Venus… they’re not getting shit from me. “Hey baby, buy me a drink,” the girl pleads. “Sorry, no money,” I reply, looking completely uninterested. She looks around. The other guys have already bought drinks and are ready for a private dance. “So, no drink, but maybe you want private room, private dance,” she says. Right, I might as well just steal a needle from some random junkie in an alley and go ahead and inject AIDS between my toes. “Look,” I say, shaking my head, “you’re wasting your time on me, sorry.” She frowns. I motion her off. Man, I knew I should have brought my hand sanitizer. That hooker is gross!!!!

3:07 a.m. – 5:00 a.m. – Andrew rises, disappears with a girl in his arm, reappears empty-armed moments later. Evidently he wasn’t aware it’s not acceptable to pay for a private room using a Visa. Matt gets conned into paying $30 for a drink he bought for the stripper. He’s ubealivably pissed. I tell them we’re leaving before they’re all robbed blind. We end up back at the original bar where we started. Andrew spits game… the European girl tells him the U.S. sucks for various reasons… they engage in a heated debate. We meet two American girls. One tells me that she attends the University of Florida. Okay then, well, it was nice meeting you anyway. Matt’s still pissed. Andrew orders Tequila shots for everyone. Matt pukes in the bathroom. Bar closes.

5:10 a.m. – Walking to the metro. A rough-looking gypsy sneaks up on Matt. “You want sex?” He’s utterly disgusted. “What, no, no, get away,” he mumbles. I see her grabbing at his front pockets for money and also at his private for good measure. I push her off. Apparently Andrew feels the need to console the gypsy and places an arm around her, pulling her close. Her hand now reaches for his… he quickly shoves her away. Ray and I find the scene highly amusing. “Get the hell away gypsy! I was just trying to be nice,” Andrew yells, laughing his ass off.

5:25 a.m. – 6:20a.m. – Riding the metro. Ray makes a confused face, feels around in his coat. Can’t find his keys. He’s not happy. Reach our stop. Grab a croissant at my favorite pastry shop above our station. Go with Ray to the hotel to hopefully get an extra set of keys. No dice. He must come back in six hours. The sun is out now. Stare up at the daunting hill. Sigh. I should have never walked down the damn thing in the first place.

For you, D-Pan

Here are a few photos of some of the people in our program. Dustin said I had to post some pics of people and I always listen to what he tells me. Anyway, that's Bre, Tina and me eating crepes (Emerald, I know that makes ya hungry). And before everyone starts with all the "hey what's with you and all the girls" crap, Andrew and Ray were picking Anna Marie up and Matt was hungover so I went to dinner with the girls. Nothing to it. The rest of the people are Ray (with the hat), Katie, Amanda, Anna Marie, Andrew and Dominick (His dad is in our program and he was here for the weekend, so he came out with us for Bre's B-Day. He's British and is a lot of fun.)

Okay, so no, I'm not gonna post all these pics of everyone at bars with beers and all that trite shit on this blog. Sorry, but this isn't Facebook or MySpace. 

Here are a few photos overlooking the city. 

Underneath is a picture of the world famous Charles Bridge (You might recognize it from some films).

The Czech Prime Minister pushing the stroller is above. It's truly him, I promise.

And of course, that is the "tasty" crepe I ate.

I have a shit load of photos, If you want more I'll email you, just let me know.

A timeline of my first weekend away.

Detroit, Michigan: 3:50pm – Put shoes, belt, jacket, laptop, phone and backpack through security. Hand a woman agent my passport. She studies it for a sec, “You’re not a Buckeye are you… Josh?” I shake my head. “Me, n..n…no… I… I’m not. Yeah, nah, never liked them,” I lie. “Good answer, here you go,” she says with a wicked smirk as she hands me my passport. I swear, I can’t get out of this inferior state fast enough.

4:35pm - I reach my seat and to my surprise I’m seated right next to three teenage girls (they’re representing America in some youth soccer tournament in Rome). Apparently, someone forgot to inform their parents about my well-documented penchant for impressionable teens. Shit, this is going to be a great flight!

4:36pm - I guess I must give off the whole statutory rape vibe cuase a father just asked me to switch with one of their friends so that she could be with her teammates. I somehow went from sitting by three 17-year-old girls to sitting beside one 78-year-old man. This ride’s seriously going to suck.

4:56pm - Screw that, this dude is cool as hell. He was born and raised in Europe, came over when he was 37, has a sick accent, works in the medical field, has a home in Italy, 2 in West Palm Beach Florida and 2 in North Carolina. He has 20 weeks vaca per year. Dude is going skiing in the Italian Alps next week. He’s a badass grandpa.

5:50pm - The plane is in the air. I check the movies they’re offering. Oh, sweet, Juno is playing… I’ve been meaning to see that.

Amsterdam, Netherlands: 6:00am – Extremely tired. Just used the restroom, smelled like pure shit. This was a huge mistake. Europe sucks, the people are ugly and pale, they smell like sweaty balls. I miss the U.S.

Prague, Czech Republic: 9:00am – Riding in the taxi. Prague is un-freaking-believable. The most scenic city I could ever imagine. It’s 50 degrees out, not a cloud in the sky. This was the best decision I’ve ever made. Europe is awesome, America sucks. I may never leave.

12:00pm – 7:00pm – Check into my new apartment. Sick view. Try to find the Internet café. Ride the metro, get lost, a nice gentleman guides me to my stop. Can’t find the café, wandering aimlessly about. Take the bus one up the hill to the grocery. At the check out I find out that I was supposed to weigh all the produce and put a sticker on myself, then after I pay, I find out that plastic bags cost money. Needless to say, the locals behind me aren't thrilled. Trek up a massive hill with three bags and my backpack, arrive home, make dinner, put a movie on… pass out.

Sunday, 11:50 am - Wake up. That was a solid sleep.

3:00pm - We’re in the heart of Prague, riding the tram. Out of the corner of my eye, I catch some guy fighting with a girl on the sidewalk. She smacks him twice, turns her back, walks away. He goes after her, shoves her from behind, goes for more… the tram turns the corner. All the locals were simply passing by the fight, not doing anything. Suddenly, I feel very safe.

4:30 – The Czech Prime Minister passes us. He has zero security, nobody looks at him and he’s pushing his illegitimate baby in a stroller through town. This is the coolest city ever.

4:45pm – 12:30am – Eat my first crepe, its really tasty. Finish strolling through town, then, 8 of us eat pizza by our villa, also rather tasty. We head to a bar that has free internet (Yes, a bar, not a café). We all log on and hang out for a while. Andrew (from Texas) and Ray (Canada) can’t resist the cheap beer. They’re shitfaced. The total tab for 8 of us equates to around $25. Crazy!