A timeline of my first weekend away.

Detroit, Michigan: 3:50pm – Put shoes, belt, jacket, laptop, phone and backpack through security. Hand a woman agent my passport. She studies it for a sec, “You’re not a Buckeye are you… Josh?” I shake my head. “Me, n..n…no… I… I’m not. Yeah, nah, never liked them,” I lie. “Good answer, here you go,” she says with a wicked smirk as she hands me my passport. I swear, I can’t get out of this inferior state fast enough.

4:35pm - I reach my seat and to my surprise I’m seated right next to three teenage girls (they’re representing America in some youth soccer tournament in Rome). Apparently, someone forgot to inform their parents about my well-documented penchant for impressionable teens. Shit, this is going to be a great flight!

4:36pm - I guess I must give off the whole statutory rape vibe cuase a father just asked me to switch with one of their friends so that she could be with her teammates. I somehow went from sitting by three 17-year-old girls to sitting beside one 78-year-old man. This ride’s seriously going to suck.

4:56pm - Screw that, this dude is cool as hell. He was born and raised in Europe, came over when he was 37, has a sick accent, works in the medical field, has a home in Italy, 2 in West Palm Beach Florida and 2 in North Carolina. He has 20 weeks vaca per year. Dude is going skiing in the Italian Alps next week. He’s a badass grandpa.

5:50pm - The plane is in the air. I check the movies they’re offering. Oh, sweet, Juno is playing… I’ve been meaning to see that.

Amsterdam, Netherlands: 6:00am – Extremely tired. Just used the restroom, smelled like pure shit. This was a huge mistake. Europe sucks, the people are ugly and pale, they smell like sweaty balls. I miss the U.S.

Prague, Czech Republic: 9:00am – Riding in the taxi. Prague is un-freaking-believable. The most scenic city I could ever imagine. It’s 50 degrees out, not a cloud in the sky. This was the best decision I’ve ever made. Europe is awesome, America sucks. I may never leave.

12:00pm – 7:00pm – Check into my new apartment. Sick view. Try to find the Internet café. Ride the metro, get lost, a nice gentleman guides me to my stop. Can’t find the café, wandering aimlessly about. Take the bus one up the hill to the grocery. At the check out I find out that I was supposed to weigh all the produce and put a sticker on myself, then after I pay, I find out that plastic bags cost money. Needless to say, the locals behind me aren't thrilled. Trek up a massive hill with three bags and my backpack, arrive home, make dinner, put a movie on… pass out.

Sunday, 11:50 am - Wake up. That was a solid sleep.

3:00pm - We’re in the heart of Prague, riding the tram. Out of the corner of my eye, I catch some guy fighting with a girl on the sidewalk. She smacks him twice, turns her back, walks away. He goes after her, shoves her from behind, goes for more… the tram turns the corner. All the locals were simply passing by the fight, not doing anything. Suddenly, I feel very safe.

4:30 – The Czech Prime Minister passes us. He has zero security, nobody looks at him and he’s pushing his illegitimate baby in a stroller through town. This is the coolest city ever.

4:45pm – 12:30am – Eat my first crepe, its really tasty. Finish strolling through town, then, 8 of us eat pizza by our villa, also rather tasty. We head to a bar that has free internet (Yes, a bar, not a café). We all log on and hang out for a while. Andrew (from Texas) and Ray (Canada) can’t resist the cheap beer. They’re shitfaced. The total tab for 8 of us equates to around $25. Crazy!